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The Promise of Shadows -P- by ~fallen-sunset:iconfallen-sunset:



                                                   Preface

Rhyvvic Donahue stood, pacing back and forth outside the door to the high council of the unseelie court.  He twined his fingers behind his back as he continued his path up and down the wide hallway.  Rhyvvic did not like to be kept waiting.  But, the queen had summoned him and one did not ignore a direct order from the queen of darkness and shadows.  The door burst open and Bien, the queen’s consort appeared in a swirl of long silvery hair and burgundy robes.  “The queen requests your presence.”  His voice came in a commanding tone and he immediately turned and disappeared back through the doors from which he came.  He did not bother to see if Rhyvvic followed, he didn’t need to.  What the queen wanted, the queen got.  Anyone who stood against her would face her wrath.  Rhyvvic shuddered at the very thought.

The high council was a large echoing chamber etched out of stone that had been polished until it shone.  The only light came from a scattering of torches that were fixed to the walls, the flames reflecting of the polished stone to shoot rays of eerie light around the room.  Great black curtains hung from the balconies that would normally be occupied by the queen and her attendants had court been in session.  However, this was not a regular meeting of the council.  Rumors were forming that something had stirred the queen’s interest in the great prophecies.  Though, what precisely had her so tense no one seemed to know.  Rhyvvic had a sinking feeling that he was about to find out.

A large oak table had been placed at the front of the hall, the queen seated at the head, surrounded by the most trusted of her council.  Bien took his place by her right side, folding his large, dark frame into the seat and placing his hand over the queen’s.  Something was obviously very wrong if the queen was allowing herself to be openly comforted.  Rhyvvic swallowed around the growing lump in his throat as he approached, dropping to one knee and taking the queen’s hand into his as he drew it to his lips and brushed a kiss across her knuckles.

“Queen Aesinath, I humbly accept your summons.  How may I be of service to you, my queen?”  He remained kneeling as the ceremonious greeting fell from his lips.

The queen slipped her hand from his and placed it under his chin, pulling him upwards.  She waved off Bien’s hand with the other to gesture to the chair to her left.  “Sit, Rhyvvic.”  That was all that she said, in that melodic voice of hers, a voice so hauntingly beautiful that one would be reminded of nightmares and darker things while never wanting it to stop.  A shiver ran down Rhyvvic’s spine as he obeyed and took the seat beside her.

A large book had been spread across the table, its pages yellowed with age and its binding a softened leather.  The queen lifted the book in her hands and turned it towards Rhyvvic, placing one gleaming white finger on the page where text had been scrawled in ancient script.  “The prophecy speaks of our time, of the death of Faery.  As you may know, our lands are dying.  The fertility of our race is a distant memory.  We haven’t celebrated birth in well over a century.  The enchanted halls are dying out; even our hands of magic have begun to fade.  Faery is dying and along with it, its people.”   Rhyvvic stared at the page, willing himself not to look into the queen’s face.  He was sure he would find malevolence behind those iridescent, black eyes of hers.  The queen didn’t take lightly to being threatened and the death of Faery was the highest threat there was.  Rhyvvic only hoped there was a glimmer of hope written on these pages.

“I am well aware, my queen, of such unfortunate occurrences.  I only hoped there was a way to restore us to the wonder we once were.”

“I am pleased you see it that way, Rhyvvic, for I have summoned you here for that very purpose.”  A wicked smile spread across her horrifically, beautiful face.  Rhyvvic visibly shuttered and her laughter echoed throughout the great room.  “The prophesy speaks of a child, one that bridges the divide between mortal and immortal, one that will restore our lands.  You will bring me that child, Rhyvvic.”

Rhyvvic opened his mouth to speak.  There were a thousand questions circling his head.  How was he to find the child?  How would he know where to find it?  When was it to be born?  “But-“

He was cut off abruptly by the queen and the swirl of her anger so thick on the air it choked him and he gasped for breath.  “You will bring me that child, Rhyvvic.”  She repeated.  “Your mother was part mortal.”  The queen almost spat those words.  Being of mixed blood had been his curse.  “You’ll fit in quite nicely.”

Rhyvvic came to a sudden realization.  She meant to send him to the human realm?  He opened his mouth to protest.  Surely there was someone more suited, some other way.  But the queen held up her hand.  “Do not fail me, Rhyvvic.”  His last vision was of the queen’s face, twisted in that frighteningly wicked smile.  Then he was hurtling through space and time.

He landed in a most awkward fashion, skidding along in the dirt among the rolling hills of Scotland. Standing slowly, he brushed the dust from his cloak, rearranging himself as he looked out along the great spans of open land before him. Rhyvvic huffed, a great expelling of breath, in annoyance. The queen had obviously been plotting ways to be rid of his 'tainted', half-breed self for some time. It just so happened the impending death of Faery gave her the excuse she had been looking for to banish him. He should have known that her sudden upspring of favor was not genuine. He bristled with contempt as he attempted to shift himself back to Faery to give her a piece of his mind.

But, nothing happened. He tried again, concentrating on separating his molecules and wafting on the air. Again, he remained where he was. "Oh, by Danu, curse you!" He shouted to the air, his thick, rolling voice echoing through the hills. The queen had cut his ties to Faery, he could no longer shift to the realm of the Sídhe.

Rhyvvic fumed, suddenly panicked that she had truly banished him and stripped him of his powers. He closed his eyes and attempted a short jump, easily fading and materializing only a few feet away.  So, he still held the ability to shift only there was something like a wall that blocked his path back to Faery. At least she had left him his powers, though there was little else he could find positive about being forced to remain in the human realm.  He settled down on the ground, bending his knees beneath him with the realization that he had but one choice. He would have to find the child.

The sun was quickly sinking beneath the horizon, painting a vivid array of pinks, blues, and reds in its wake.  It was an utterly beautiful sight, Rhyvvic concluded, but all too fleeting.  He stood slowly from his perch in the rolling plains of grass and stretched his arms high above his head, releasing the stiffness that had settled into his muscles.  He gave one last glance over the beauty of the setting sun and faded from sight.
©2007-2009 ~fallen-sunset
:iconfallen-sunset:

Author's Comments

This is only the preface to a new story I'm attempting.

It is a very rough draft as I haven't had the time to have anyone proof read it for me and didn't take the chance to go over it myself. So if you find any spelling or grammatical errors please feel free to let me know.

I'm hopeful that this one will continue past an introduction since I've actually taken the time to sort of hash out my plans of where I want this to go. But, who knows. It seems I have a lot of trouble getting past my beginnings. So, there is hopefully more to come but we'll have to wait and see.

**9/24 Edit**

Reworked the ending some. I'm still not sure its exactly right but its getting closer.

Comments


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:icontnmloser:
A quite beautiful beginning to a promising story. The descriptions are truly speclatular, though the ending seems a bit hurried. That is acceptable for a piece in this stage of the writing process.

One thing I noticed was a lack of commas seperating two adjectives. For instance, in the third paragraph "... folding his large dark frame..." needs a comma to seperate "large" and "dark." Other than that, this piece is quiet well written.

Keep on writing. I am looking forward to your next piece of prose.

-Terrence
:icontnmloser:
Also, as an eerie side note, I was working on a piece with the same title, though it was a completely different type of story.

-Terrence
:iconfallen-sunset:
The ending was hurried...or rather it just doesn't fit. I started with the ending and decided I had better backtrack some. So it didn't quite take me back to the intended ending. I'm most likely going to rework that.

About the commas - I fear them. I notice I get a little comma-happy when I write so I start cutting back and end up overcompensating. Its a problem I have. I'll go back and correct that as well.

Again, thanks for the critique. It really is appreciated.

--
..::The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw.::..
:icontoiletbrush:
only spelling point I picked up on was "shuttered" which I think you did a couple of times. People shudder, not shutter :)

Otherwise its a good start, but I think it needs expanding on. I have no idea what this child thing is about. How is in the land dying? What are they going to do with the child? In explaining this a little further through conversation between Rhyvvic and the Queen you can also add a little more character to both of them. Chances are we aren't going to see the Queen again, at least not for a while, so this would be the only chance to really show her off.

Just a few thoughts that came to me. Otherwise it seems really good, could be a nice start if you continue.

--
Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is.
- Albert Camus
:iconfallen-sunset:
Ah yes, tricky little spelling error there. Its the worst when they change the meaning.

As for the other comments, this idea will be expanded on later. This is simply the preface meant to only introduce the ideas. The reader is purposely kept in suspense over the whole meaning of the prophesies because they will be revealed later in the story. And the queen will appear later as well. But first the real story has to take place. This is merely meant to add a little insight into why Rhyvvic is in the human realm to begin with. Without giving too much away, I can't really expand anymore on that. Just know I have plans to elaborate on the prophesies and their meanings later in the story.

As always, thanks for the comments!

--
..::The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw.::..
:iconirishinsanity:
I like the promise of things to come. Same comments as the last few as far as spelling and grammar, but I can see where you're going with it, and I like it.

Keep it up!

--
If there's really a fine line between genius and insanity...I must have cut it.
-Irish
:iconfallen-sunset:
Thank you!

This is what I get for writing late at night and not proof reading. Lots of little grammatical issues that irk me to no end when I'm awake and coherent :)

--
..::The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw.::..
:iconirishinsanity:
Mwahahaha *Bringer of the irk!*

--
If there's really a fine line between genius and insanity...I must have cut it.
-Irish
:iconxhinkaiyu:
I like how you keep mystery in this story from the start, bringing us into the world formed in your head with questions yet to be anwsered. Golden! XD

I admit, I didn't get a chance to read much of it, only a few (not that it didn't draw me in), but I definately will be checking back on this.

And I see you're now seperating your paragraphs. In my opinion, it's a definate attention keeper without the reader staring down a fortress of words. However, always go with the way you feel is right, otherwise it'll effect your writing. I used to write my stories in large blocks of paragraph after paragraph, which seemed like I was only throwing stuff together, but then I began seperating, and now I feel comfortable with my writings. You should try different writing styles, who knows, you could be operating out of your comfort zone, and maybe that's why you can't get passed the beginning's of your stories. ^^ Good luck

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September 23, 2007
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